The Storm-part 1

One Wednesday morning I woke-up and I felt this dark cloud hanging over me. I literally could not get myself out of bed no matter how much I willed myself too. I certainly could not go into work that day, because the feeling I felt was something very familiar yet all together different. So I did what any red-blooded American would do I called into my office sick, but I had no idea just how sick I really was.

About a half-hour later I finally dragged myself out of bed long enough to wake up my 5 year-old son and get him off to school. Still clad in my pajamas and slippers I threw a coat over myself and headed out the door. I dropped my child off at school and then went back home and back to my bed. I just laid there feeling empty and sad very, very sad like my world had just come crashing down around me. At that moment I began to formulate a plan.

The night before the guy that I had been seeing told me that he did not want to see me any more. I became so upset and enraged at myself, because I knew it had to be something that I had done. He said that he just wasn’t ready for a relationship. But what I heard was, that I wasn’t good enough. He said that I was a sweet person but that he had some issues with himself he needed to work on. But what I heard was, you are just too ugly, fat and crazy for me. I. Was. Devastated. But not for the reasons I thought.

I quickly turned to a bottle of wine that a friend a had given me months before and one glass turned to two and two to three and the next thing I knew the whole bottle was gone. I cried. I cried for hours and I belittled myself and I felt like it was the end of my world. "Not again!!!" I shouted over and over until the tight feeling in my chest prevented me to say another word and I just continued to silently sob until I finally fell to sleep with thoughts of how much I hated me dancing in my head.

When I woke up that Wednesday morning, I had no idea how my life would change from there. I had no idea what was coming up for me, but what happened next started me on a journey that changed my life…