Shifting focus

I used to be obsessed with trying to find love...sigh. I went about it entirely the wrong way and was disappointed, heart broken, and stomped on by the men I THOUGHT I loved. Up until a couple of years ago I was focused on finding my life partner and male role model for E. Then one day my focus shifted. I no longer feel like I have to have a man in my life and I am happier for it. I am not running around looking for Mr. Right, Mr. Right now or Mr. Perfect for me. I no longer care if I grow old alone with millions of cats. I feel like that is something that no matter what I do I have absolutely no control over so why worry about it any longer. I haven't given up on love per se. I have just shifted my focus on to things that I have more control over like my son, school and my career. If I am supposed to be a twosome then God will send him to me and hopefully I will have the good sense to notice.

It seems that people don't really care about my outlook on love too much and that is fine. Some people are lucky that most things they have ever wanted have come easy for them. As for me not so much I have always had to work for most things that I wanted. In this moment my focus is to make sure I can take care of myself, because as much as they may not have believed that love would NEVER not happen for them. I was raised to be a realist and I know that the only way I could have a man right now is to lower my standards and I refuse to. Lord knows sometimes I think and feel who am I to have the nerve to actually have standards. I should just take what I can get and be happy, but I can't. I much rather be alone then be stuck with someone that I can't stand.

I mean really I could be married or engaged at this very moment. I have a suitor who is willing but he has conditions that I just don't feel comfortable accepting. I mean I could have a great life and be financially secure. I could have all the fancy shoes, bags, clothes and cars I want, but at a cost that I am not willing to pay. I thought about it...several times, but in the end I just couldn't go through with it. Because for some reason I think I deserve better...who me? How could I possibly feel I deserve better than what he is offering? I don't know... but I rather be a single mom and struggling then be bought.

Anyway I digress...

Believe it or not I am happy being alone. I have far more bigger fish to fry then to worry about someone loving me. I am not denying that it would be nice to have someone to come home to at the end of the day. It would be nice for someone to take care of me. That all would be lovely...but it may not be in the cards for me an I am willing to accept that as well. You may not agree, but it is what it is...Besides even if I were to find a good man chances are I wouldn't know what to do with him.