So... I will just blog instead...I haven't really blogged much...what else is new? I just get so caught up with the day to day of life that even though I have a myriad of topics I could blog about I just don't get around to it. I would promise that I will try harder, but who am I kidding.
Let's see what has been going on these last few weeks... Well E has been staying with his father for the past couple of weeks, which has been a HUGE load off of me. I love my son with all of my heart, but I am soooo grateful for this break. With all that has been going on with me lately as far as getting my mental health back on track I couldn't get that child out of the door fast enough. Granted he is a great kid...(really Mistress he is...LOL) smart, funny and caring just a all around sweetie pie, but he and I both needed a break from each other. I mean I haven't exactly been a barrel of laughs myself lately.
Another thing I have been back in therapy for a little over a month now and things are progressing... at least I hope they are. There are days when I feel on top of the world, but most days I still feel like I am the buried deep within the hot steaming center of the earth's core. I hate that I am sooo up and down all the dang time. It has gotten to a point where I just don't want to be around anyone because I never know how my mood will be. I keep saying I am going to use this time while my son is gone to do some fun things, but I have come to realize that I don't really have anyone to hang out with anymore. None of my girlfriends are single and I hate to take them away from their husbands or feel like a third wheel. I know they may not see it like that, but I do. I know that is something I need to work on.
I have A LOT of things I need to work on... so much that it just feels overwhelming and then I find myself shutting down, because I am trying to figure out how I can get myself better and still do my everyday things and finish school and plan my future and my son's future...and whatever else I am forgetting about.
Oh and another thing I am completely turned off by the idea of dating, even though one of my biggest fears is winding up alone. I am so confused when it comes to the dating "game" and I have been reading so many blogs about the whole dating thing recently and the more I read the more confused I become. Earlier this year I decided to take a year off of dating since I just got out of a relationship and I was feeling so depressed (not because of my relationship ending just in general). Now I am not sure I even want to go back out into the dating scene at all. It just sounds so impossible and I already have so many things that I NEED to do. I feel like I am just running out of time in the whole finding a mate thing....oh well c'est la vie.
I think I am better off alone. Funny thing is I have been alone for about two weeks without my kid and I am not lonely at all. It is kind of nice... the peace and quiet and since I don't really get along with immediate family my phone doesn't ring, so I have been having a lot of time to think.
What I do need to do is loose about 10 or 15 lbs and I want to do this before my b-day. My depression has helped me put on weight since this time I have been eating food like it is going out of style. Well at least I am not getting drunk every night like I did the last time I was in a deep depression though I did lose about 10 or 15 lbs, which was nice although at that time people thought I was too skinny...sigh
Well this has been my life so far this summer...ups and downs and ups and downs...but I am really trying to work it out. I want to work it out. I have to work it out... or I will end up being a piece of shit and I am way to cute for that!!
Sorry for my ramblings it is almost two in the morning and I just don't feel like proof reading, so there are probably typos all types of grammatical errors. Guess what? I don't give damn...LOL.
