A Deeper Love

First and foremost I would like to thank you all for the birthday wishes that I received today as well as the sound advice. As you can tell last night I was in a melancholy mood and pretty much everything I have been feeling for the last few months finally came to a head. For full disclosure I actually wrote a much darker post on New Year's Eve, but after about an hour I took it down. I actually thought the post I wrote last night was bit more hopeful...lol. I guess not since people have threaten to come and kidnap me and all.

Anyway, today when I first woke up I was still feeling sad, but then after a little while of lying in bed I got up took a shower and decided to make the most out of my day. I went to the mall which I very rarely do and I spent a little money on myself which is another rarity. I bought myself a couple of cute tops, a new pair of boots and a digital camera. I can not wait to figure out how to work my camera, so I can start posting pictures on my blog.

After I picked E up from school I brought him home and modeled my new shirts and boots for him to get his opinion. He approved of the boots and one shirt, but wasn't really feeling the other one...LOL. Then I made a simple birthday dinner of spaghetti and cheesy bread. Once dinner dishes were cleaned up I put on a old Ultimate Dance Party CD and we danced around the house for about an hour straight. We did everything from the robot to the bump...hell E even made up some dances and we laughed and laughed and laughed. It was great!!

I know that I have the glass half empty mentality, but I am going to change that mind set right now. I guess I was always afraid to think of myself in a positive way for fear of what others thought of me. I didn't want people to tell me that I wasn't worthy and so I guess I called myself beating them to the punch. I know that makes no sense what so ever now.

I may not be in the place that I want to be at age 30, but I am still growing. I am getting better, wiser and stronger every day and most importantly I am blessed with everything I need. It doesn't matter that I am not a fashionista, or have 25 fancy degrees on my wall or that I rent instead of own my own place. All that matters is that I am moving forward one step at a time.

My major problem is that I try to make leaps and bounds and when it doesn't happen the way that I want I get frustrated and retreat. I focus, so much on the future that I miss what is right in front of me. This year and all the years ahead of me I am going to take the time to stop and smell the roses so to speak. I am also going to work on a relationship that I have been neglecting and that is my relationship with me.

Thanks again for all the well wishes. I hope you all have a wonderful 2008 and beyond.

Here is one of the songs we were dancing to tonight I though it was quite fitting of my new outlook: