Gwen Stefani: 4 In The Morning

Love this song!!!

Round and Round I Go.... (part 2)

I know that hard work and determination are a couple of the ingredients needed to make it in this world and these qualities I have in great abundance. My grandmother always told me starting from a very young age that "anything worth having is worth working for” and I honestly believe that with all of my heart and for as long as I can remember I have worked my ass off for a better life. I got my first real paying job two-days after my 14th b-day and have been working pretty much non-stop ever since.

My first job was at a pet store, because at one time I thought I might want to be a veterinarian. I worked there during the school year for 4 years, and in the summer I usually worked there and as a hostess at a Mexican restaurant to pick up a little extra cash to sock away. My senior year I quit the pet store and worked at my first office job as an office assistant for a year.

Needless to say I didn’t have much of a social life and at the time it suited me just fine. I basically took it upon myself to sacrifice my care-free teen (HAHA) years to work and save for my future and to help out my family.

When I turned 18 and graduated from high school I knew my family didn't have enough money to send me to college, so I joined the Army. My job was as a military police officer and boy did they whip me into shape and brain washed my ass to love it...LOL. I spent six months in lovely Alabama then when I graduated I was sent overseas.

I spent several years traveling the world and “be[ing] all I could be” and then a couple of years ago I found myself fighting with an “army of one” in a war I did not agree with. I decided then and there that enough was enough. Although I did really enjoy my time with the military I figured there had to be something more out in the world for me. I also had this very precious child, who I hardly spent any time with, because duty always seemed to call.

When I left active duty I was happy and full of hope that I would find a great job, a stepping stone of sorts in the right direction. I also decided to buckle down and get my college education and signed up with the local community college. I was quickly put in my place and realized that I was not the only person in the job market. It took me several long months to find a real job meanwhile I was working as a gas station attendant because that was the only job I could find that paid decent and I didn't really have to do too much manual labor. I needed all the time I could get for studying in the evening. I went to my classes in the morning and then worked most evenings until well after midnight and would get up early the next morning and do it all over again.

I finally found an opening in a law firm and applied for the position. The money wasn't great, but it was more then I was making at the gas station and I figured it would give me the experience I needed since the law is the field I want to get into. I have been there ever since for 5 years now…how time flies.

Unfortunately, it is such a small firm that I think I have reached the highest point I can with them and I know very soon it will be time to move on. I am just not sure about what my next move should be and when. I keep saying I should wait until I get my degree (hopefully next year), but I am feeling so suffocated I might have to skip out earlier.

Anyway, you know how I said I feel like my life has wound up in a huge circle…well…it has figuratively and literally. You see...the kicker is just one block from my office is my old high school where I started my whole journey, so basically I have spent many years and traveled thousands of miles to end up right back where I started from...SIGH!!

Hopefully this just means I have a brand new start to make better choices...

Round and Round I Go....

where will I stop no one knows...

Where did I go wrong? Where did I zig when I should have zagged? Am I really going to get to that place in life that I so desire if I work really hard? Or is my destiny all ready planned out for me since birth and no amount of hard work matters?

Those are the kinds of the questions that file through my head most every day. I want to be hopeful and keep the faith but I am tired of feeling like I am not getting any where in my life.

I remember when I was in high school I used to spend hours gazing out of the window in my room day dreaming of all the great things I would do with my life. I could not wait to leave home and get away from all the dysfunction that surrounded me. I wanted to run away from the abuse that I spent so many years covering up. I wanted to start fresh and the only way I knew to do this was to put my head down and work hard, so that some day I could have the life I day dreamed about.

Back in those days when I was young and life should have been care free and fun I knew where I want to go in life, but I wasn't sure how to go about it. Now more than 10 years later I feel like I took all of the wrong turns and wind up going in one huge circle.

Right now I know that I am at a major crossroads in my life where I am trying to find my personal and professional niche. I get more and more depressed each day that I come closer to becoming 30 and I don't see my goals in reach. I know I could be much worse off, but all I know is I am so tired of struggling and having nothing to show for it. I guess I should be happy that I can at least put a roof over our head and pay my bills on time...sigh. I know a lot of people can get themselves together to do that much. I count my blessings…truly I do.

To be continued...

*I can see this post is getting very long so I will post part two in a couple of days. *

To All of the Great Father's Out There

If you have or had a father that was present, affectionate and that loves and cherishes you, your siblings and especially your mother. A father that does all the things a father is supposed to do without fail. Please, please be grateful and know that you are TRULY BLESSED and give your dad an extra special day tomorrow to let him know you appreciate him always. If your great father has since passed on, then hold on to all the good memories and cherish them always...

Missing: Stepha Henry - Miami

Please past this information around to everyone you know, because the more people know about this poor woman the better chance of success at finding her. Thanks!!

http://www.miamiherald.com/460/story/131357.html

DJ Black Adam Interviews Tsiporah!!

I was blog hopping like I do just about every day and I came across DJ Black Adams's (DJBA) blog and he had been interviewed by another blogger in this meme that has been traveling along the blogsphere. Then it hit me that it would be interesting to see what questions DJBA would come up with for me. Happy Reading!!



1. How did you keep such a good grade point average in school with your other responsibilities?

Well to be perfectly honest school work has always come very easy for me, and I just take the brains I was given and run with it. However, there are a few things that I do every semester that contributes to my success at least I think they help.

First, I realize and accept my limitations, which is a very big thing for me because I am the type that tries to do it all and do it alone. I know that I work a full-time job and I am single mom. I try not to take more than 2 or 3 classes at a time, so I won't get too overloaded.

Second, before the semester begins I try to organize my life as much as possible, at least the part of my life I can control. I create a study schedule and stick with it and I schedule all of my errands for one day of the week. I plan out my dinner menu for the week and even do most of my dinner prep on Sundays so that I will not have to waste time during the week. I also try and have all of our clothes and lunches for the week ready to go.

Third, I don't have much of a social life, and that helps a lot. I go out every once in a blue moon, but generally if it is not an errand or a kiddie activity to get E out of the house for some fun time I don't do it. I know that is probably not very healthy for my mental well being, but something has got to give. Besides by the time I get through my day and get through all of my school work I am too tired to socialize.

Fourth, I am a complete control freak and since doing my assignments is something that is completely in my control it is right up my alley...LOL!!!!


2. If you met President Bush and could say anything to him, what would you say?

Hmmmm...I thought about this question a great deal. There are a vast amount of things that I would like to say to him, but why waste my breath on deaf ears.

I would like to know what sleeping medication he uses to get to sleep at a night, because that must be some HELLA good ish.


3. Michael Jackson (80's version) or Prince to perform at your Mikvah celebration?

This such a tough question because I love both of these artist tremendously, but since I have to choose just one I would have to say Michael Jackson. I would hate to shock my Rabbi and the other members of the congregation with Prince's rendition of Darling Nikki...LOL. Prince would definitely be for the after party!!!

BTW, in a nutshell a mikvah for those of you not in the know or if you weren't a fan of Sex and the City is the ritual bath that people take when they are converting to Judaism that signifies their official conversion.


4. Forrest Whitaker or Denzel Washington?

I personally love Forrest Whitaker and always thought up until this years Oscar win that he was terribly underrated as an actor. Pretty much every character he plays you can tell he throws himself into the role and he has such a wide range in my opinion.


5. Who is your hero?

This was the hardest question of all, because I admire so many people for so many different reasons both famous and unknown. The one thing they all have in common is that they were able to beat all odds to become successful in their own right some financially, some politically, some just by keeping their families together. To quote from one of my favorite television shows my heroes are just “ordinary people who do extraordinary things” for purely unselfish reasons.


If you wish to do this meme:

1. Leave me a comment saying, "Interview me."

2. I will respond by asking you five questions. I get to pick the questions. (They probably won't be the same ones you see above!)

3. You will update your blog with the answers to the questions.

4. You will include this explanation and an offer to interview someone else in the same post.

5. When others comment asking to be interviewed, you will ask them five questions.

The Quiet Life

So you read my confessions...kind of boring huh?? Yeah well I know and I am not going to apologize for my fairly drama free life. Well at least no outside drama...heck I make enough drama on my own.

For the last two or three years my life has been pretty quiet and it has been very nice. I have had enough excitement in my life to last me several lifetimes...Boy, I could tell you some stories, but I won't because the statute of limitations hasn't run out yet...TEE-HEE. Now if I was completely anonymous I would, but since there are people who read my blog that I have to look in the eye I think I will keep my days of excitement to myself at least for now...

I have been working on a post entitled "Who Am I" or "101 Facts About Me" or something along those lines that I've seen on other blogs, but I think we are past that stage. I mean hell I told you about my depression and how it has been affecting my life at least presently and I even told you that I wanted to be on Broadway and I actually love musicals...I know I am a total geek. But I swear every time I watch "A Chorus Line", "West Side Story", "South Pacific", "Chicago" and even (hanging my head in shame) "Grease" my heart just gets all a flutter. (I did however refrain from watching the reality show about finding the new Sandy and Danny...ugh)

Anyway, I have been looking at some of my old journals and boy even when I thought I was happy or dealing with my deep dark depression I was one miserable person. I kept thinking that if I only found someone to be with that they would love me and I would be fine. HA...man I was dumb. I know now that the only answer to finding the love I want is within me and I need to figure out how to do that. Love myself that is.

You know the funny thing about me is that logically I know all of this I mean I am no dummy. Logically I know that no one can make me happy but me. I am fully aware that most of my fears and thoughts when I am in my major depressive state are totally irrational. I know all of this because I am by nature a logical person. It really is funny how if I were looking at someone else with my exact same issues I could be very logical about the whole thing and try and help them out like people try and help me. I guess we all get that way what is the saying "can't see the forest, but for the trees" or something like that.

This week I start my class for summer semester...Biology with lab. I thought I would have a nice relaxing summer with this class but no such luck I think by July I will be pulling my hair out. This Saturday E will be finally getting his award for being on of Montgomery County Maryland most Excellent students. YAY!! I am just so proud of him. He has really come a long way. Also I am dog sitting for my big sister Monnie while her and the Robinator are out of town. I am just taking it one day at a time and enjoying the quiet life.