where will I stop no one knows...
Where did I go wrong? Where did I zig when I should have zagged? Am I really going to get to that place in life that I so desire if I work really hard? Or is my destiny all ready planned out for me since birth and no amount of hard work matters?
Those are the kinds of the questions that file through my head most every day. I want to be hopeful and keep the faith but I am tired of feeling like I am not getting any where in my life.
I remember when I was in high school I used to spend hours gazing out of the window in my room day dreaming of all the great things I would do with my life. I could not wait to leave home and get away from all the dysfunction that surrounded me. I wanted to run away from the abuse that I spent so many years covering up. I wanted to start fresh and the only way I knew to do this was to put my head down and work hard, so that some day I could have the life I day dreamed about.
Back in those days when I was young and life should have been care free and fun I knew where I want to go in life, but I wasn't sure how to go about it. Now more than 10 years later I feel like I took all of the wrong turns and wind up going in one huge circle.
Right now I know that I am at a major crossroads in my life where I am trying to find my personal and professional niche. I get more and more depressed each day that I come closer to becoming 30 and I don't see my goals in reach. I know I could be much worse off, but all I know is I am so tired of struggling and having nothing to show for it. I guess I should be happy that I can at least put a roof over our head and pay my bills on time...sigh. I know a lot of people can get themselves together to do that much. I count my blessings…truly I do.
To be continued...
*I can see this post is getting very long so I will post part two in a couple of days. *
3 comments:
I feel like ya cut it off when it was getting good. ROFL!
ooops...This post was about 2 1/2 pages as a word document so I had to cut down, but I guess I cut it off too soon huh?
Dont' worry part 2 is coming soon...LOL.
Great post. Don't forget to celebrate those goals that you do reach. Example, you completed 2 classes towards your degree last semester right? Dwell on that in your mind everytime you get depressed. That is a major accomplishment! Keep those things that you have accomplished in the forefront of your mind. You can reach your goals even if they happen at 32. Whats more important the specific time it took to complete your goal or the fact that you did complete the goal? Looking forward to part 2!
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