Ever Wake Up Mad??

Darkness is closing in on me today. I don't know if it is the weather or what. Today I just woke up PISSED off and feeling like I could just blow-up any second. Lil' E must have felt something was up with me this morning, because when I woke him up he greeted me with a "Good Morning, Mommy" and a big hug. Usually he is in a VERY foul mood and either growls under his breath a "Good Morning" or says nothing at all. I can not wait to get home and be away from all of these phoney women I work with. Blech !!! I just can't take the fake kindness today. Why can't people just be real? I can't stand these lazy heffas..humph!! I am just going to hold on to the memory of my son's hug to carry me through the rest of this day.

Saturday Morning Run

This past weekend I went for a run with on of my co-workers, I will call her Jo. When I woke up Saturday morning I was ever so excited because the weather was beautiful and it was nice to look forward to having someone to run with.

We were supposed to meet at 10:30am, so I woke-up at my usual time about 6:45am took a quick shower to wake-up and woke my son. I made him breakfast and ate a little something myself (1/2 cup of vanilla yogurt with a sprinkle of granola and dried cranberries) just so I wouldn't pass out later. We left the house about 8:30am and I drove to Bethesda to drop Lil' E off at religious school which start's promptly at 9am. We actually made it with time to spare which hardly ever happens.

I still had about an hour and half to spare, so I decided to run some errands. It is so much easier to do my shopping alone. I am in and out and I don't have to hear "Mommy, can I have_____", every time we pass something that is considered "cool" or a "must-have" in little boy world. Which causes me to have to avoid every, toy, electronic, video game and candy aisle within 20 feet, but I am getting off track here...

I needed some hair detangler from Aveda amongst some other things from Sephora, so I decided to go to Montgomery Mall, which used to be my most favoritist (yeah I know that is not a real word) mall in the world to hang out at as teenager. Well, when I got there I was pleasantly surprised to see there weren’t very many cars yet, because I HATE crowds, but there were still enough cars in the parking lot to let me know there was some activity going on. I went inside and to my dismay all the stores were still closed. It was about 9:15am by then and well if you haven't figured it out by now I don't frequent the mall much and had no idea the stores don't open until...hell I still don't know what time they open, but I know it's not 9am at least not on Saturdays. I found myself in the midst of the mall walker's club and about to be trampled on by a bunch of old... erra seasoned adults. I got the heck out of there and fast.

Next, I hopped back in my car and headed to Tar-jay, and grabbed a few things that I needed from there. It was about 10:15 and I was thinking I better leave the store or I will never make it to our meet-up spot when my cell phone rang and it was Jo telling me that she was running about 15 minutes behind. GREAT!!! Now I have enough time to drop my stuff home and make a much needed pit stop. Whooohooo...

When I finally arrived at the spot I got out the car and proceeded to stretch and to pray that I didn't humiliate myself. When Jo arrived she got out of her SUV and asked which way should we run? It didn't really matter to me since I never ran on this particular road before so she chose the route and it was a nice leisurely jog downhill (I will get back to this hill later) and we were running and talking until I really couldn't quite catch my breath. I always have trouble getting started that first mile is shock to my system, but she was doing just fine. Me being me and having quite a competitive edge although I don't like to admit it I didn't say a word but this long slow incline we were running up was steadily kicking my azz. I wasn't gonna let this broad think I was a punk though. No way, No how. I just kept running one foot in front of the other.

Well, we ran about 2 miles we were going pretty slow half-way time was about 22-minutes, which is WAAAAAAY off my personal best, but I am still just in the beginning of my training and considering that a month ago I couldn't run two miles without stopping that time was great. We stopped at her request for about 30 seconds and walked for about 30 seconds then took off again this time pretty much the whole way back was downhill...YAY!!! We talked...well...uh she mostly talked I listened it is amazing what people tell you during the course of a good run. Then remember that nice hill we started our run going down...that's right you guessed it we had to go back up and let me tell you I had no idea how steep that sucker was while we were heading down it, but this mug was a beast again me being me I ran up it like a trooper. She ended up punking out about half way up and told me to go on without her so I ran with all of my might until I reached the corner...man, what a RUSH!! I waited for her at the stop light and we ran the rest of the way together. We ran a little over 4 miles total and all under 40 minutes...I was very pleased.

Anyway, I wrote all of this to say that I had a GREAT time and we made plans to run together again this coming Saturday. I hope we run the same route because the hills are great conditioning. What can I say... I love to torture myself. Weird huh??

Now if I can only find a really great and inexpensive masseuse...

I am preparing to run my first race in over...ummm...let's just say it's been a really long time. I decided in preparation for the big race, the Marine Corp Marathon, that I should try and do smaller events just to prep and try to get accustomed to running next to whole bunch of other sweaty people again....yuck.

Pike's Peek is being held in Rockville on April 29th starting at 8am. It is a 10K which is about 6 miles and I am so excited that I decided to take the plunge and do it. At this point in my current training the furthest I have run is 4 miles, but I am hoping by the end of April I am running about 7 miles for my long run. Wow...it is already March I better get moving then...

One of my co-worker's who is an avid runner will be running in the event too. In fact we are going running together this morning and hopefully this will be the beginning of a great running relationship since I absolutely hate running alone.

As I alluded to before this not my first time running or even training for an event with the exception with a few rogue years I have been running my whole life and I have thousands of miles under my belt. Even still I know I need a lot of help on prepping for my first marathon and I have tons of questions from what to wear to what to eat.

Well, anyway I will have to get into all of my questions later... I gotta run. Literally.

Lack of Concentration

My mind is full of chaos and I can't concentrate...I don't know what is wrong with me. I keep starting my homework assignments and then I get completely distracted and I can't really do the great job I set out to do. I do well, but I know I could do so much better if I could just keep my mind on the task at hand.

It is so freaking frustrating. My mind wonders and I think about everything else except for the work that I am assigned to do. I try working in complete silence but the noise in my head just gets worse. I listen to music, turn on the T.V for background noise...it gets a little better, but then I hear "Mommy" and my rhythm gets all screwed up again. I am up half the night answering questions it should take at most an hour to respond to. HELP ME!!! Will someone please give me a solution before I lose my mind!!!

This probably the reason I end up with so many unfinished projects...huh???
I would be a baaad girl if I could only concentrate on one thing at a time...Sigh...
I am working on it but it is KILLING ME!!!!
Will somebody please help me... pretty please...

Any Publicity is Good Publicity

This morning I heard on the news that a local radio station bailed Bobby Brown out of jail in exchange for one week of work. Hmmmmm...ummmm... yeah...ok.

Then as I was driving to work the radio station in question, whore 99.5 FM (yeah I said it), specifically the morning D.J. was acting all flabbergasted, confused and furious because allegedly Mr. Brown, being the upstanding citizen that he is backed out on the deal. Go figure...

The D.J., who shall remain nameless, sounded pretty upset and was saying in order to get the money from his bosses he basically put his azz on the line. He stated that he was trying to put a positive spin on Mr. Brown's situation by having him come here and give back to the community. Sigh...

Is it just me or is something really whack about this whole situation? I do not believe for one second he had to put his azz on the line to get the money for this fiasco. Sell that mess to someone else I am just not buying it. Clear Channel radio, which happens to own this radio station uses $19,000 as toilet paper and I am sure had no real problem with wanting a notorious name such as Bobby Brown on one of their failing radio stations that happens to be in one of the top 10 markets in the country. I guarantee regardless of what happens with Mr. Brown, dude will still have his job next week.

Now to the problem at hand, what in the name of all things good was having Bobby Brown on a D.C. Radio show going to do for the community?? Nothing. In fact Bobby's crime was not even for subjecting the community to any damage well... unless you count his show "Being Bobby Brown", which in my opinion was just tortuous to watch and if I could get away with it I would sue him for the 30 minutes I spent watching it. Anyway I digress...

Bobby was in jail for not paying child support, so to me that means the only people he needs to give back to are the ones he created. His Children!!!

Needless to say this whole thing was just a publicity stunt to make the new D.J. look edgier and the radio station a household name in the D.C. Metropolitan area. And they are getting TONS of it just. Bobby Brown is faring just as well even though it makes him look like the biggest jerk in the world, his name has been everywhere today.

I guess it just goes to show the old adage is true any publicity is good publicity...

I have a friend in pain today...

I wish I knew something I could do to make her feel better, but I know nothing I say will help. I know that this is a battle she has to fight within herself and only she has the strength to bring herself through.

I know that tomorrow will be a better day for her even if right now she doesn't think she will get through another hour. I know that she is a fighter and that she has that winning spirit. If there is anyone that I know who is a survivor she is the one.

I have a friend in pain today...

I just want to let her know that she is loved by many and she will feel better very soon. Not because her family and friends know this to be true, but because she herself will make it that way.

I love you Chica...let it out and come back to us when your ready.

Invisible Girl

She never wanted anyone to notice her, or to pick on her, or even praise her for that matter. There were so many times in school when she knew the answer to a question, but she never raised her hand. There was so many times when she let other people take credit for something she did. She can't even count the number of times when she skipped out on an award ceremony where she was supposed to be honored. Why?? She just didn't want to stand out in a crowd.

She wanted to be the invisible girl. She just wanted to disappear.

And so she did…

Her spirit died and it took all of her zest for life with it too… guess that's what abuse to a young girl can do.

It wasn't always that way she started out so outgoing and full of life. She wasn't afraid of anything and she had the confidence it took most girls a lifetime to achieve. She was a gorgeous child and talented too. She was in dance classes, gymnastics, and drama and did beauty pageants. Fearless just fearless she never backed down from anything.

She wanted to be a dancer. She wanted to be a star.

But she never got the chance to see it through… guess that's what abuse to a young girl can do.

She grew-up and just existed in the shell of a life she created. She just went through day by day always hiding her true self. Always afraid to let others into her world for fear they would see her pain and not understand. She acted as if she wanted to be left alone when the truth was she wanted to be included.

She really wanted friends. She just didn't know how to reah out for them.

For this she cried herself to sleep more than a time or two... guess that's what abuse to a young girl can do.

How sad I am for that little girl even to this day. I cry when I think of all of her potential draining away. It is not fair that someone can just come along and kill a spirit such as hers. No one can find that confident vibrant girl and bring her back to the life she was meant to have.

But I try...

Everyday I try and it gets a little easier…

A little easier to hear her easy laughter echoing from the shadows. A little easier to see a flicker of her beautiful smile. I can see that the invisible girl is blossoming into a very visible woman. Slowly she is evolving and becoming stronger with each new day. But the reality of it is she will never really know how sweet her life could have been.

The story is sad and for so many it's true.

This is what abuse to a young girl can do...