As you know I have not been feeling my fabulous self lately. I would like to thank everyone for their kind words and prayers of support and I would also like to apologize if I had you worried. I am OK... Really I am. Depression is a b*&^% and if you or anyone that you have loved has ever had to deal with it then you know that it is a roller coaster ride.
Like I said before depression is an old nemesis of mine that I have been battling for over 20 years. To be perfectly honest I really think that my major depressive episodes has more to do with a chemical imbalance then actual issues, but I still have to admit that I do have issues that I need to deal with some minor and some major.
I have been running from my demons and trying to sweep them under the rug for years, but they always seem to catch up with me eventually. I want nothing in this world more than to get better and to feel normal (whatever that is) or at least be able to look in the mirror and truly love the person I see staring back at me.
After a bit of an intervention I realized that I do need to seek professional help. I made an appointment for the end of the week with my old therapist and even though I am not sure she can help me maybe she can point me in the right direction. Other than that I have been trying to just keep myself occupied and surrounded by people even though I don't really feel like being bothered. G-d knows I would rather be in my bed with my covers up over my head all day and night...sigh...but I know it is for the better that I get out of my house.
I have also decided that I am going to stay in my current apartment, because apartment hunting was frustrating me to no end. One more year here and hopefully next years I can move some where better.
As for E, school will be out next month and I am hoping that he will be able to stay with his father over the summer and possibly next school year until I can get myself together. He does not need to be around me in the state that I am in...I feel like I am going nuts some times and I can only imagine what my extreme mood swings are doing to him.
All in all things seem to be looking up. I know I have a lot of work to do and I am willing to do it because I do want to be happy. I know I will still have my gloomy days but hopefully not as bad...I guess all I can do is take it one day at a time.
6 comments:
One day at a time is all any of us have, Tsiporah.
Yup...what Laura said. Don't think that it's just you that goes through this. Trust me...a LOT of us do. You're going to be just fine Princess.
Happy Be-lated mother's day btw. Anway Tsioporah, I pray for you to have peace and happiness, I know we're not drinking buddies and I hope I don't presume too much, however, if you ever need to talk (or e-mail) you are more than welcome, I and my wife are available (shes actually a better listener than I).
Im glad for you Tsi...I'm clocking my options right now. This is not something I would like to live with anymore either. Be well.
Take care. I'm sending good thoughts your way.
@Laura- I know believe me you don't have to point that out to me, but this blog is all about me...lol.
@Creole- I really want to be fine, but it has been a lot of years of the same thinking it will take many years undo it unfortunately.
@DJ- Hey brotha thanks for the support.
@Keelah- You will get there too.
@Anali- Thanks!!!
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